| From Craig: What are the most important characteristics you desired in a spouse? The research is consistent across all age groups: “A good spouse puts family above everything else.” When I hear that, I wonder if Carolyn and my family believe that I put them above everything else in my life? I hope they do, but how would they know? Would it be the amount of time I spend with them? Maybe, but like most of you, my work takes up most of my time. Is it the quality of time that I spend with them? Yes, and probably quality and quantity both need to exist in order to prove I value them. But what about anticipating their needs and proactively responding to meet those needs? All of those are important ways to prove I value my family; however, I wonder if there is something even more important. Could it be choosing to put my family first during authentic life moments are most important? I’m talking about those decisions that require I pay a personal price to put my family first. I was one week into my new position as senior associate pastor at a regional mega church. One of the elders approached me and announced that I would be attending his Saturday morning Bible Study held weekly. I explained to him that I dedicated Saturdays to my family and Carolyn, and that I committed those mornings to work on our marriage. He smiled and basically informed me that his request was not negotiable. I held my ground and told him I would attend his study once but my commitment to the family and Carolyn needed to stay in place. Within the hour he shared his disapproval with the senior pastor, demanding that I be required to attend his Bible study. Later that day I was asked to come to the senior pastor’s office to discuss this issue. Fortunately, the senior pastor supported my decision. But, over the next eight years I served at this church, this elder repeatedly criticized and tried to discredit me. I had made an enemy. |
| Connecting More Deeply With my God: Obviously, my highest value should be my relationship with God. I should be continually asking myself these questions: *Am I spending enough time working on this relationship? *For me, what does “working on my relationship with God” look like? *Am I accountable to anyone for this value? *Am I practicing the spiritual disciplines? (prayer, time in the Word, fasting, worship) *What specifically do I need to do to improve to deepen my relationship? What should I add? What should I drop? With my spouse: I gave up trying to live a balanced life long ago. Now I try to live a value-based life, or one in line with my values. As you attempt to emulate this model, you’ll need to ask these questions: *As an individual, what do I most value? (make a list of your top 3) *What do we value most as a couple? (Repeat as above.) *How can we align our life to those values? *What changes do we need to make? What do we need to add? What do we need to drop? As you go even deeper, strive to answer these tough questions: *Does my spouse agree that I’m living according to my values? *How can we help each other live our values as a couple? Individually? You both need to accept that there will be times and seasons of “just surviving.” Your values will be out of line; you’ll recognize that and understand why. All that’s okay—as long as you have a plan to fix this season of misalignment; you work that plan; and you’re making progress towards that goal. |
| Leader’s Corner Facilitate a discussion on those deserving of our emulation in the bible – men and women such as Abraham, Moses, Esther, Peter, Paul, and Aquila and Priscilla. What values did they live by? What consequences did they suffer because they lived their values? |