AKA: How to Keep from Murdering Each Other in Quarantine
 happier times! I know you weren’t supposed to get another newsletter until Thursday, April 2. But these are strange times, and emergency measures are called for. I promise this will be the incredibly rare “extra edition” for these unprecedented times. Craig and I want to help however we can. So how are Craig and Carolyn faring? you might wonder. Just stir-crazy, tense, discouraged, weary, stressed to the max, cranky. Relate? And we just got home from the most relaxing visit to Mexico on March 6. How did we lose all those recharged-and-ready-to-go benefits this quickly? Add to that our handy-dandy last newsletter that confessed to my “blasting” Craig and the wonderful how-to’s that would keep that from EVER happening again, blah…blah…blah… We were coping just peachy when we decided to schedule a Zoom with good friends. Craig accidentally scheduled the wrong time…I felt frustrated…he felt criticized for such a small goof…and that minor episode quickly exploded into a yelling match! Really?? I can’t even remember the last time we were so angry that we resorted to yelling (of course, that may be attributed to my wee brain’s deficiencies). Where did all that emotion come from? And why didn’t our “safe place chat” cure all our ills? Here’s how we messed up; please, learn from us! 1.Recognize we ARE stressed and tense….and give each other significant space—physically AND emotionally. We simply have to grant each other the gift of “we just might not be at our best right now” mode, eh? 2.We’re also probably feeling afraid and insecure….and guess what that leads to? We try to counter-balance our out-of-control helplessness with attempts to control other parts of our lives. It’s a subconscious reaction, and therefore, we must look for this consciously, pro-actively. (And take note: Your likely target of attempted control? Why, your spouse, of course!) 3.Clear communication is paramount…because misunderstandings are pretty much a given in these uncharted waters. (Duh!) We can’t/shouldn’t make assumptions at this time; there’s just no known patterns to look out for. We need to verbalize wants and needs—gently, frequently, with love. DON’T do what Craig and I did! 4.Be flexible. Adapt. Give up fish sticks and green jello on Thursdays. Don’t remember that line from the movie Rainman? That’s so me: I operate best with my cherished routines, but those have been temporarily set aside in this unpredictable season. I may not like it, but I still have a choice…a decision to make. I will acclimate, eventually! 6.Remember and use your “on the edge” rescue action. That’s whatever you two do when you’re contemplating the jump from mere irritation to full-out war. Do a cartwheel, make a funny face, start a water fight—whatever makes you laugh or distracts you from moving forward into a major argument. If you need a refresher, go to my website (carolynswilliford.com) and read the newsletter entitled “When You’re On the Edge.” (I know: Clearly Craig and I didn’t use our “on the edge” doo-dah either. Actually, I don’t think we were ever on the edge. It was more like a free-fall over Niagra Falls…) Bottom line, people: Craig and I blew it, big time. We yelled, I cried, we talked it through, we apologized, we forgave. We moved on, granting each other mercy and grace. You know what? Life is difficult right now, but we can get through even the roughest patches. Temporary derailment, yes. Keep us from continuing on our way? Absolutely not. There. Now you all have permission to blow it at least once during this pandemic. Use it wisely! (LOL!) We’ll get through this; we’re in it together. And God’s leading the way. Stay healthy out there!  |