Craig was an executive pastor at a church when a woman requested an appointment in his office for pastoral counseling. She was vague about the specifics, so Craig—sensing something was a bit off—asked his administrative assistant to be close by and ready. Just in case.
When she arrived, he welcomed her warmly and offered her a seat facing him. A coffee table sat between them and therefore served as a symbolic and physical boundary. Once she started sharing her story, Craig was grateful the table was between them as he quickly realized she was deeply troubled and needy. Both of those were contributing factors to WARNING! signals going off in his head, and therefore, Craig’s responses to her were carefully worded to make sure he offered absolutely no hints at intimacy in any way.
And then he began to pray for her.
Craig tells it this way: “Of course I had my eyes closed, but I had a sense of movement—and movement right next to me. When I opened my eyes, I realized she’d done some version of a ninja-move to get next to me that quickly!” And, according to him, his defensive move was no less than “a triple gainer over the back of my chair, landing pretty close to my office door. Where I immediately called for help from my administrative assistant!” The woman’s explanation? “No one’s ever prayed like that for me before! I just wanted to sit on your lap while you prayed!”
Craig’s Olympic-level jump might be a bit of an exaggeration on his part, but the point is still the same. As he says, “I got as far away from her as I could, as quickly as possible!”
Now, had that happened to someone else’s husband, I think I might’ve been highly skeptical that a woman would actually think she had the right to climb onto a pastor’s lap while he prayed. But because this just so happened to be my husband’s experience, I have to believe it! But seriously? Someone would actually think that appropriate?
Husbands and wives, here’s the takeaway: Both of you must think through and have plans for offensive and defensive strategies. Please….please take our WARNING!s seriously, and especially during this time when we have so many areas of our lives that produce and highlight insecurities. Guard your marriage; guard each other. We simply can’t state that strongly enough.
Oh, and one more thing: gymnastic and ninja classes are highly recommended. Camo gets you extra credit.
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Connecting More Deeply
with my God: We can’t begin to protect our own morality, integrity, and character unless we’re being totally honest with God. Craig and I suggest you start here: journaling, pouring out your heart to him in whatever way you feel a need. (The Psalms are full of encouragements to “pour out your heart to God.” Psalm 62 is one of my favorites.) When you commit to putting your pen to the paper…or typing away on a new document on a screen…odds are good that you’ll uncover something that you need to process—feelings of hurt, anger, rejection, fear, whatever. I (Carolyn) tell people that I regularly hassle over issues with my God because my relationship with him is worth fighting for. And just for clarification, I recognize that the issue…the problem…is me. Journaling, praying while I’m walking, driving the car are key times when I’m convicted about a decision I need to make.
Before being accountable to each other, we are first accountable to God. Many marriage principles in our newsletters are based on wisdom and good relationship principles. But these three newsletters’ theme is also securely foundational in the Word:
I Corinthians 10:13 – “No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.”
James 4:6b – 7: “’God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.’ Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you.”
We submit to our Lord, fully admitting we could indeed sin. It’s from that humble perspective where we begin…and place our lives.
with my spouse: Not going to be of any help if you can’t be honest with each other. And yes—this can be a field of landmines to walk through. We need to approach this subject with sensitivity, good timing (again, not when he’s hungry and not when she’s tired!), and as always…with much love, grace, mercy.
Once again, my principle about worth applies: Craig and I fight for our relationship because we’re that valuable. And not merely for its survival, but that it will continue to grow in a healthy way. That’s not going to happen unless we’re both fully vested in this union that we vowed before and dedicated to our God.
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