In Laws? Out Laws? Or Just Parents Being Parents? Part 4

If your state is like ours, there’s a high probability you won’t be able to gather with extended family for the holidays. And absence…well, it’s supposed to make the heart grow fonder right?! If no other good comes from this seemingly endless time of COVID-19, then may our lack of being with family motivate us to view our in-laws with hearts that seek out their positives rather than negatives; to appreciate them more by choosing to love unconditionally; and to accept that they “love us the best they can for who and what they are” – which is exactly how we want to be viewed, too, right?

And now, let’s switch to more light-hearted fare: Have you seen those commercials about a spouse becoming like his/her parents? Having fun at our expense – just because we happen to be parents of adult children AND out-laws? Er…in-laws. To demonstrate over-the-top maturity and a smidgen of needed fun, however, Craig and I admit to these miniscule idiosyncrasies:

1.Yes, we go to bed relatively early. GET OVER IT. We have AGING bodies, people, and they are tired once we get the dinner dishes done and clean up the kitchen. It takes every bit of our remaining energy to simply get ready for bed—which involves multiple chores like flossing and brushing teeth; washing the face, using an astringent, and applying 3 different types of moisturizer to wrinkly faces and chapped hands; changing out fleece vests, tops, jeans, socks for pajamas and fleece robes (YES, we’re COLD; and when did taking socks off become a wrestling match and test for coordination?); turning down bed covers and flicking on the electric heating pad. The nightly “to-do” list before bed is getting longer than the “to-do” list for all day long. Who knew keeping these bodies in functioning dilapidated condition would be a full-time job?

2.Yes, we like to eat. Early. If you were waking up and eating breakfast at 5 a.m., you’d be hungry by 5 p.m. too! And I mean really hungry, so eating the biggest meal of the day at noon makes perfect sense. Just think of the bargain that is at some restaurants to boot. Then you factor in the coupons…

3.What’s with the negativity about butterscotch? It’s a candy flavor! (Never mind that we have 4 bags in our pantry.)

4.Yes, as already alluded to, drafts and cold are an issue! Craig has joked our entire married life that I thaw out for one day in July every year and then immediately freeze up again. But now….well, now living with Craig is like being married to Mr. Rogers with the cardigan or vest. Every. Single. Day. What on earth are we going to do? Who’s going to keep me warm? Gotta admit, I did not see this one coming. The future looks frightening. And chilly.

5.No, absolutely, no. I have never heard Craig utter, “Got some good mulch here.” He might’ve commented something to that effect about river rock. But that’s entirely different.

6.Yes, Craig has problems with his nonchalance capabilities. Always has. Part social scientist and part just ridiculously nosy, Craig has always maneuvered to listen in on others’ weird conversations and mannerisms. But are you seriously going to try to convince us that someone with bright blue hair doesn’t want to be noticed? Craig’s only providing what the grandstander desired!

7.I beg your pardon—Craig and I are both fully capable of operating our phones, thank you. (But where is that silence button? And never mind the butt dials.)

8.What’s with the pillows thing too? Allow me to counter that with an observation of our own: What’s with the sectional sofas? Since when is that the number one preferred seating arrangement for watching television? Do you have ANY idea how difficult it is to get funky backs/knees/hips up and out of a slippery leather surface with NOTHING to push against? We may be there for DAYS before hopefully someone notices and asks, “So where’s Boppa and MaeMae?” Just look for us down in the cracks between the cushions of the sectional…