COVID: I Feel Out of Control; Therefore, I Take Control (At Least, I Think I Am)

It was the icky used tissues right next to his waste can that started it.
For a man who used to play basketball, he couldn’t open the cupboard and toss tissues into the trash right there? Less than an inch away?
So I told him I resented that. I would choose to believe it wasn’t a statement about me and my worth and confuse the whole issue with that stuff, but I wasn’t happy.

Craig gave me that look. The look that in one fantasy-filled moment (by Craig, that is) attempts to calm me down but ultimately only sends my emotions up to the next level. I mean, if the “emote-o-meter” was at a 4, it now jumped up to a 7, at least. “Over-reacting just a little, you think?” he asks.

“Excuse me?” Oh, I could feel the engine revving. “YOU don’t get to tell ME how much I can react!”

“Wow. A little testy today, aren’t we? What else is going on to put you in such a special mood?”

Anyone remember our newsletter entitled “On the Edge,” about how we can stop and make a decision about entering full-on warfare? And that we can choose a humor-producing line to defuse the situation?
This time, I chose the battle.
“There isn’t anything else—it’s you that I’m angry about! Just YOU.”

“Okay.” Eye-rolling with a smirk. “Clearly nothing else going on here.” Yet another eye-roll.

Can I just say the man has the skill to make me feel like a 700 hp Ferrari? Because I went zinging from 0 to 60 on the “ticked” scale in a macro-second.
“I know what you’re doing, Craig: You’re attempting to control me because everything else in our lives is out of control. But you don’t get to do that. If I’m angry, I’m going to TELL YOU I’m angry. You don’t’ get to say I’m not, and you also don’t get to tell me how angry I am. Are we clear on that? And if you roll your eyes at me one more time….”

There are so many forces controlling us right now, and it’s incredibly frustrating to have no power whatsoever to change, adapt, or stop any of those. Our natural response? To try and control what we can. The closest and most convenient target is a spouse. Beyond that, we tend to get quite creative in our attempts to control…something. To identify your areas, focus on where you feel yourself striving.

Where Are You Striving?

I so fear being out of control that I attempt to create security through a self-deceiving façade of empowerment and control.

I don’t know if any of Craig’s and my interaction sounds familiar to you, but it’s happened around our home—more than once! This pandemic has pushed and tested and angered us day after day, week after week, month after month. And it just feels endless. When everything in our world feels insecure and out of control, we will naturally reach out to try to control whatever we can.

What are you attempting to control? Where are you striving?

Which of these situations sounds like you or your spouse? Any feel familiar?

People – my spouse, family, friends

Are you attempting to “manage the feelings” of your spouse?
Or, are you trying to control your spouse’s time, occupation, leisure time, etc?
Has one spouse claimed total control of the remote?!
Are you trying to feel more secure by organizing/cleaning your home?
Are you making decisions/choices for your spouse that you normally wouldn’t?
Have you been noticeably opinionated towards a family member?
Are you unusually picky about restricting your kids’ clothing selections, time management, any choices normally left to the child’s discretion?

Are you interfering in extended family relationships? Trying to control family members?

Are you attempting to “fix” your friends’ relationships? Ones you’re not even part of?
Are you making pointed comments on Facebook, etc., in attempts to assert authority and control?

Situations – any occasion that adds to my feelings of insecurity

Have you snipped at someone cutting a line at a store? A doctor’s office? When driving?

Are you intervening and directing children’s play when usually you’d let them be more free-spirited and spontaneous?
Are you attempting to control every minute of your child’s classes online? homework? Even directing playtime?

Workplace – interference/overly opinionated or irrational comments/over-stepping boundaries

Have you corrected another department’s grammar/content in correspondence—when that’s not your role?
Are you attempting to influence/manipulate an area outside of your responsibilities?
Are you highly critical of peers’ choices?
Are you highly critical of anyone/everyone at your place of employment?

What we need to pro-actively do: Surrender all of our striving and attempts to control…to God.
Easy to do? Nope.
Necessary? Yes.
Remember: Only God truly has total control. Why not place your striving…on the altar?
We’re praying for you.

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