A Real Person’s Response to Those “Tidy Uppers”

It’s that time of year, and I don’t know about you, but I’m always THRILLED to read one thousand new ways describing how I’m a slob and that I need another’s advice on creative ways to become an obsessive neat freak. Whoo-hoo! You psyched too? Awesome. So let’s list our VERY FAVORITE reminders from various ever-helpful magazines, okay? O-kay!

Real Time, Practical Advice:

• Pick up every item you own. I’m not kidding. It actually says that—HOLD EVERY SINGLE ITEM THAT YOU OWN. I think I’d be collapsing into the year 2138 before I could possibly hold every single item in this house. Seriously. We haven’t been told what to do and already I’m tempted to flush this page of the magazine right down the ole toilet. Right after I hold that toilet. In my hands. To make an assessment. I’ll get right on that.

• Give away anything that doesn’t make you feel happy. You mean, like…thinking about the toilet brings to mind the toilet bowl scrubbie. I don’t know about you, but my scrubbie is not something I’d hold in my hand and repeat, “This makes me happy. This makes me SO happy.”

I can think of many other things that I technically should pitch according to this standard. I mean, for starters, does your sweeper actually make you happy? Or how about the junk drawer (full of those things that, within moments after you threw whatever away your husband would ask, “Did you find a little fuzzy thing with a metal do-dah on it? It’ll cost us $495.38 cents to replace if you don’t still have that.”); pet carpet cleaner (for the times we dog owners break world speed records to get to the source of the ul-ulp…ul-ulp…ul-ulp! sound before the dog’s entire stomach contents from the last two days are deposited on your CARPET or RUG—never, ever on the bare floor—and that’s why you have pet carpet cleaner in your possession.); or even my spanx (no explanation needed). So do all those things make you feel happy?? Because if they don’t, you should throw them away right now. We are “tidying up,” people!

• Keep only the items that “spark joy.” Cherish what remains. Let me get this straight: I’m supposed to do a serious purge of everything in my house that doesn’t make me happy…and then all remaining items are supposed to spark joy as I cherish them. Whatever I give away I should first “thank for its service.” (I swear it says that.)

So here are a few more items on the bubble:

dental floss

fly swatter

my underwear

Craig’s underwear

duct tape

bug spray

can opener

I’ve decided I best not purge any of those non-sparkling, uncherished items. At least, not today. (Craig would be especially happy were I to empty his underwear drawer. Although he’d likely be more upset about the missing duct tape.) And, admittedly, I might be stretching the “Tiddier’s” point just a bit. But how about this take-away:

*We all probably have too much stuff

*We could benefit from some Spring sorting and pitching

                                    And…

*Let’s be grateful for what we have

*Agree that we won’t cherish stuff

*But we will cherish people…those who enrich our lives with loving relationships

(BTW, pass me the duct tape. I need to tidy up Craig’s sock drawer.)