ABSOLUTELY TRUE STORY: Craig Attempted to Feed Me to the Sharks!

Last week Craig and I were in Belize at an island resort called Coco Plum. The resort offers several options of fun sea faring rides—single and double kayaks, paddleboards, and Hobie cats—to be enjoyed while all manner of sea creatures swim right along with you in the shallow waters surrounding the island. We saw dozens of rays (yes, the kind with a stinging tail), starfish, puffers, trumpet fish and more. Observing those creatures from the many docks was fascinating. Seeing them swim along beside me while paddleboarding…afforded an entirely different perspective. Especially when our companions were nerf sharks.

Now, Craig will quickly tell you that nerf sharks are bottom feeders. They like shrimp and small fish and shellfish and can actually be quite friendly towards people. So how about if you and Craig jump in with a couple nerf sharks and test that tidbit of information? Because I’m telling you, they still LOOK like regular man-eating sharks—with the fins and the teeth and the familiar “dun dun dun dun, dun dun dun dun” music playing in the background. THEY DON’T LOOK FRIENDLY. And they also ALWAYS LOOK HUNGRY.

So Craig is in a kayak and I’m paddleboarding our way around the island. It’s a delightful day and we’re being cool just stroking along when a couple nerf sharks decided to circle RIGHT AROUND ME. Turns out a couple was fishing off the dock and they were throwing BLOODY BITS OF FISH into the water—which was what, of course, attracted the BLOOD LOVING SHARKS. At the same time, I look over at Craig and notice that he is thoroughly absorbed in watching the sharks. Glazed look on his face, paddle out of the water, mouth wide open and drool dripping down his chin. (Maybe not exactly, but I’m allowed some creative license when my life is clearly in danger.) He is totally oblivious about where his kayak is. Where my paddleboard is. And that we are going to collide in a few seconds.

Paddleboards are not easily steered. Kayaks—if guided by RESPONSIBLE people—are. But Craig is completely clueless about my imminent danger and though I start yelling, “CRAIG! CRAIG! YOU’RE GOING TO CRASH INTO ME!” and the sharks are right there, circling my board, he STILL DOESN’T HEAR ME AS HE CONTINUES TO STARE AT THE SHARKS LIKE THEY’VE HYPNOTIZED HIM. And the sharks ARE definitely drooling now because they’re ANTICIPATING AN EASY MEAL: me!

So my doodle-brained husband crashes right into me, knocking me off my feet and then smack! down onto the board. Fortunately, I did NOT fall into the water. Otherwise I wouldn’t be writing this blog explaining how Craig ALMOST fed me to the sharks.

Moral of the story: When your husband takes you to a romantic island to celebrate your anniversary, enjoy every single moment you can be together. One of those moments could be your VERY LAST ONE. Dun dun dun dunnn….dun dun dun dunnn….