COVID and Its Consequences; FEAR: The Fuel for Anger, Part One

Fear

Anger

Two powerful emotions.

Please hear my confession: As a result of this pandemic (and a few other excuses), I (Carolyn) am battling a nearly constant low-level anger. It’s a simmering mess that appears eager to erupt at any provocation. Sometimes I win the battle; other times, I don’t. I do have a process that helps—but only if I’m disciplined enough to use it. As in regularly. Below you’ll find this process laid out in a step-by-step guide. As always, adapt and restate to fit you and your needs. But whatever you do—if you’re struggling like I am—please just do something that helps you release steam from that boiling, bubbling pot.

Prayerfully evaluate if you find yourself in the statements below.

Fluctuation in intensity, but nearly constant anger, irritability, impatience with:

My spouse
Children, other family members
Co-workers
Any we regularly come in contact with: drivers in traffic, service personnel, those in authority over us, medical/police/government decision makers we have no control over

Rate your reactions and intensity
“I’m merely impatient with ____”
“Dealing with ____ makes me feel irritable”
“I feel frustrated when _____ happens”
“I’m intensely angry when _____”
“I’m furious after I watch/hear _____”

Note: When we can’t express our anger to so many whom we blame for that anger—for example, government figures or anyone whose authority over us has made us angry—then we tend to release our anger on someone safe. Who’s safe and all too available? A spouse. Has this become a problem in your home? (Realistically? I would be skeptical if you insist it hasn’t, ever!)

Suggested steps to process pro-actively:

Clearly identify and own your anger

Name the causes/origin – You need to know what enemies you’re fighting
What emotions are beneath your anger? Identifying these “signals” will aid your process

Only you can “peel back the layers like an onion” to discover what’s feeding your anger
If you’re struggling, need help, consider asking your spouse or a close friend to help you

Do you need to ask for forgiveness? From God? From your spouse? Others?

Call, email, text, write the one you’ve hurt; do what’s appropriate for the pain you’ve caused
Gather the courage to do what’s right
Do you need to GRANT forgiveness? Are you clinging to pain that increases your anger?

Consider memorizing a verse—to repeat whenever you feel your anger building

It doesn’t have to be long, but pick one that fits you and your need
Suggestions: Romans 15:13; Psalm 23; Psalm 62:5-8; Isaiah 40:28 – 31

Journal: Write out your feelings, worries, prayers

There is power in writing out what’s in your heart and mind
Suggestion to begin: Put your pen on the page and simply record your thoughts, feelings
Or…read a passage of Scripture and then write out a response
Solidify your commitment by buying a small journal/notebook to write in

Next newsletter…FEAR: The Fuel for My Obsessive Behavior

Bullet Synopsis:

the pandemic has produced an unusually large reservoir of anger in our lives
underneath anger is one or more other emotions: fear, insecurity, hurt, impotence, etc.
we need to identify, accept, and use a process to release this pent-up anger
the target of our anger is too often a spouse

Questions for you individually and as a couple:

Where and in what type of situations are you seeing your anger build?
Be specific for how they look in your life.

Can you consciously admit to this struggle?
What do you need to do—now? In the coming days, weeks?

How are your struggles directly affecting your marriage?
What do you need to commit to, together?
What specifically do you need to work on?

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