Does Your Spouse Know You’re on His/Her Team?

Craig’s plodding through yet another stressful time at school. Feels like there’s not much I can do to relieve any of that for him, but I do want him to know how much I support him when he’s feeling a tremendous weight for the responsibilities that he carries. Can you imagine knowing that your decisions could directly affect the health of the immune-compromised on a university campus? Those undergoing chemotherapy? Pregnant women? Dads and Moms with children under the age of twelve who can’t yet be vaccinated? And the elderly who are at much higher risk for serious complications, and death? Needless to say, all that weighs heavily on Craig. He rarely gets a full night’s sleep because coming awake for any reason means his brain…turns on. And once that “on” switch is engaged, his mind roams from one problem to the next.

I’m sure that you and your spouse are struggling through some variation of issues right now too, whether related to responsibilities at work or possibly a number of other areas. You might be dealing with aging parents and a need for care or difficult decisions that must be made; a death in the family; a child or two (or more!) going through a troublesome stage; financial shortfalls and worries; chronic health concerns or a recent devastating diagnosis; or possibly a combination of two or more stresses hitting you all at once—making you feel like you’re about to drown.

What on earth can you possibly do to help each other when the tough times come—because we all accept that they will come, eventually, right? Even if you’re on the other side of COVID and its devastating effects and consequences, ultimately, life will bring yet another challenge. It’s a given. Therefore, to prepare for that—or give suggestions for you right now—let’s sort through ideas to symbolically say to your hurting spouse: I’ve got your back. I’m here. I support you—no matter what or how hard or how long this trial lasts.

Obviously, stating those things—beginning with “I love you, always”—and then adding any or all of the above statements is a great way to start! But adding the proof in various creative ways will drive your point home. Then too, those proofs work both ways: You’ll want to give and receive encouragements from your spouse. And honestly, I can’t decide which feels better: A surprise sweet card that Craig has left for me on my pillow. Or a response from Craig saying something like “Hey, thank you so much for the note you slipped in my backpack. It meant a lot.” Both of those make my heart smile!

In relation to Craig’s stress and my response: I attended Convocation (our university’s yearly service to dedicate the year to God) and I rolled the trash cans out to the curb. Wow. Huge effort on my part, right?! I emphasize that for one reason: Those two insignificant offerings made a difference. From my perspective? So little. From his? He felt supported when he needed it.

What “little” effort can you do to make a “major” impact?