Don’t Lean In – Embrace

Sheryl Sandberg’s Lean In is certainly garnering its share of attention–with both glowing and critical reviews. I haven’t read the book, so my comments on its content come from only reviews of the book and interviews with Sandberg. On the topics of the need for equal pay and women’s being more assertive in the corporate world, here, here! I’m in full agreement. Could be there are numerous other areas where I’d also add my support. But as for the basic assumption that younger married moms with children can “have it all,” I’m in total disagreement. Something has to give, whether it’s time with God, husbands, children or friends.

In the past, I think we women have fully agreed with the famous quote by Paul E. Tsongas: “No one on his deathbed ever said, ‘I wish I ‘d spent more time on my business.'” Instead, I think we women have wisely invested our time in what we viewed as inherently of much greater value: relationships. Yet another famous saying states that “we can’t take anything with us” when we die. Oh, but I beg to differ, since we most certainly do; our hearts are forever changed by the deep relationships we’ve invested in, and we “carry” the effects of those relationships with us right into eternity.

So here’s my warning: Don’t be hoodwinked. Tenaciously hold onto what we women have known for generations, understanding that:

• Mary got it right, realizing and grasping that sitting at Jesus’ feet and deepening my relationship with him is a far better use of my time than my number one priority being to climb the corporate ladder
• Making time for dates and deep communication with my husband is invaluable, a rich and wise investment
• Quality and quantity time is irreplaceable to my kids, for investing in their spiritual formation and demonstrating–living–my love for them
• And finally, that my relationships with my friends are cherished gifts that require dedication, effort and that word we keep coming back to…time.

To you single moms, I honor you. Many times, you simply have no choice in these matters. I know you’re struggling to do the best you can in sometimes incredibly tough circumstances. My comments are not directed to you. Nor am I speaking to those of you who may be in a stage of life when you do have the time and energy and desire to invest in your career. Maybe your children just started full-time in school (though it’s a misnomer that you’ll actually realize extra “free” time then, in my opinion!) or could be you’ve reached empty nest. Whatever your circumstances, I realize it’s a personal call of when you can and should put more time into you.

However, I am speaking to married women who are just starting out in their careers and are planning ahead. To those who are feeling the first yearnings to hold a newborn. And to those who have little ones at home already…and feeling intense pressure to succeed and lean in as Sandberg is encouraging us to do.

No. Please, don’t. Don’t settle for the empty promises of the corporate world, for a bigger paycheck, more power, greater prestige. Instead, choose the greater, the wiser, the choice with infinitely more worth.

Instead, embrace pursuing a closer relationship with God. Embrace the investment of a deeper relationship with your husband. Embrace your kids physically, but also emotionally, mentally, spiritually. And embrace the women in your life who offer a quality of relational intimacy that will forever change your heart.

Don’t be fooled. And don’t just lean in, because you’re settling for so much less. Instead, choose to embrace, reaching out and grasping the authentic intimacy of deeply developed relationships.

There are hearts out there waiting to be changed forever by you.