| Who, ultimately, makes the decisions in your home? What happens if/when you disagree? Who functions as the tie-breaker? Or…who holds the power to veto? From Carolyn: If you’d asked me those questions 40+ years ago, my answers would’ve been quite different from today’s. Trying to be “spiritual” back then (“Oh yes, Craig’s the head of our home”) countered by where my frustrated heart and mind actually lived (“YOU’RE NOT MY BOSS, YOU KNOW”) could have revealed some fascinating oxymorons. But then, life and reality and pain intervened, causing readjustments in thinking and how we actually related. To the place where we were a bit smug in our assumptions that we pretty much had all that stuff figured out. Absolutely we did. Until…a call from Colorado Springs. I remember thinking This is a done deal and feeling pretty ticked about it when Craig called a halt to my martyrdom. “If we aren’t on the same page about this, then it’s not right,” he calmly insisted. “We’ll take that as God’s no if we don’t both agree that this is what God wants us to do.” I probably gave him yet another skeptical look. “So how about this: Take a week to pray and then we’ll talk again. See what God seems to be saying to you about this move.” I took this in, just beginning to feel the weight of the decision when Craig summed it up this way: “Sweetheart, I trust you. Completely. I know you’ll seek to hear God’s voice. We’ll do whatever God reveals to you in this coming week.” And in that way Craig passed the ball to me. Felt more like a live grenade. Good grief. What on earth had I asked for? I committed to a long, intense week of seeking God’s will by practicing my regular pattern of personal devotions – praying and studying through a book of the bible. After seven days of tears and agonizing soul-searching, I had a pretty clear sense of what I thought God was saying to me. I told Craig, “I have to be honest and admit that I’m still not thrilled about going. That’s where my feelings are: stuck on stubbornly not liking this option at all. But God has made it very clear that I’m to trust him in this. My heart has the absolute sense that this is something we’re supposed to do.” One year almost to the day that we moved, Denver Seminary called, asking Craig to apply for president. Gulp. Talk about a lesson in trusting God and taking a leap of faith. |
Connecting More Deeply *With my God: Wish I could say that forever after I trusted God because of the lessons learned from this leap of faith. Nope, not so much. But isn’t that typical? Think about why and how—just like the disciples did over and over again—we falter in our faith. I think we need a realistic life-long game plan rather than a quick fix. Consider…. Is it possible to keep doubts from ever occurring? What role does guilt play for me when I struggle in my faith? Is it a positive thing? Or negative? In what ways can we be pro-active? What’s a realistic “game plan” look like for me? What role does practicing the spiritual disciplines hold? What disciplines work for me? What doesn’t work for me? *With my spouse: When was the last time we faced a stalemate in our marriage? How did we work through that? Was the resolution satisfactory to both of us? Why or why not? How might our fears and insecurities be impacting our decision making? Specifically, how do I separate those out when we need to make a decision, together? Does talking about my fears and insecurities give them more power? Or less? Can we envision the scenario Craig and Carolyn describe happening in our relationship? How much trust have we built in our union? How can we build more trust in each other? Do we both believe that God can speak to each of us? Does one get more “weight”? How would we describe a unified decision making process? What does that look like in our marriage? *With my community: Do we have friends or family debating a major move/career change/commitment towards one spouse’s occupation over another? How can we help them through this time? Besides prayer, what tangible support can we offer? Be creative and honest in what you offer to do, and be open to how God calls you to minister. |
Leader’s Corner Talk through practical guidelines and ideas for how a couple (or families with children, and how they’re included in the decision process) makes a decision. Suggest passages of Scripture which provide help (consider Romans 15:13 and Deuteronomy 31:6) and where specifically we have a choice. (For example, in Romans 15:13, trusting God is a decision of our will.) Also, you may want to teach the process of a “pro and con” list when making a decision, listing anything and everything that comes to mind. This list then becomes a guide for prayer along with the chosen bible verses. The more practical you can make this…the more of a helpful tool it becomes for couples/families to actually put to use. Just for Laughs What Dad Says… Go ask your mom What did mom say? Go ask your mom again I’ll fix that; where’s the duct tape? Five second rule! Shake it off; you’re just fine I changed the last diaper Trust me; what could go wrong? Okay, who did that? Don’t tell your mom We just passed the exit. Hang it out the window |