Just Questions 12.20.2018
Many have asked us, “How do you get so much out of a vacation time away?” Or we hear, “Why do you enjoy long car trips so much?” Simple answer: Because for years we’ve had a pro-active approach to our marriage and the opportunities that times like that offer.
Specifically
*We can ignore the possibilities, allowing each of us to retreat into a self-focused silence,
*Or…we can slide into conversations that relate to the everyday issues/decisions, the kids, the mundane, the “whatevers.”
Instead, why not
*Plan ahead
*Each of us agrees to come up with __ questions (at least 1 question for each day)
*Attempt to make our questions thoughtful, meaningful, relatable, real
To help you, here are some that we’ve used:
Personal and couple advancement
*List 3 ways I grew as a person last year. What are 3 ways we grew as a couple?
*How do I need to change & grow as a person to serve God better?
*How do we need to change & grow as a couple to serve God better?
*What do I need to do in this coming year for me?
*What do we need to do this coming year for us?
Life issues/problems, healing from the past year
*Because of this past year, how have I changed? What was a surprise to me?
*How do I think you’ve changed in the past year? You surprised me by ___
*“They meant it for harm; God meant it for good” – List ways this was true for us
*What did we learn about us in this past year?
*What were the toughest things from this past year?
*What do we need to do as a couple to continue to heal?
*What do you judge I need to do to heal?
*What do I think you need to do to heal?
*What positives can we take from this past year as individuals? A couple?
*What are you most afraid of? What am I most afraid of?
*What age do you feel like inside? Why?
Positives, hope, encouragement from the past year
*What were the most fun things about this past year?
*When did we laugh the hardest?
*What’s my favorite memory from the past year?
*Describe 3 times when God showed up for us last year
*Name and describe some miraculous moments
*“Who you think I am is the person I want to be” – what does that mean to me?
Coming year
*What are my 3 biggest challenges for this coming year?
*How can you help me with those challenges?
*What is one thing you really want to accomplish in the next year?
*How can I help make your goal(s) a reality?
Transitional stages
*How can I love/help you during this transition time?
*Specifically, how can I help you physically, emotionally, intellectually, spiritually?
*What positives do each of us bring to the changing stages of life? What negatives?
*What are my greatest fears during this time?
*How can I help you with these fears?
*What do we need to do differently now for where we find ourselves?
*What do we need to cling to?
Life in general
*From when we were naïve newlyweds, what has been totally unexpected?
*In the past __ years of marriage, how have I changed? How have we changed?
*What’s been the most positive things we’ve done for us? Negative?
*How have I tried—and failed!—to change you? Is this good or bad or both?!
*To my surprise, in what ways have I changed instead?
*Name 3 things I’ve learned to most appreciate about you
*What is the one thing I want to be remembered for?
Here’s what we really hope will happen: You’ll read over these, your creative muses will light up, and you’ll be able to better personalize questions to fit you—for exactly who you are, and where you are in life!
Road trip coming up soon? Get thinking, assigning, and jot down those questions on 3×5 cards. Oh, and don’t forget some good snacks—some chocolate required. Get talking!
Leader’s Corner
Teach your students about the art of asking questions. Immature, inexperienced questioners tend to get uncomfortable with any silence. They begin talking again far too quickly—filling the silence with unnecessary further explanation, answering the question him/herself, or jumping to the next question. Sometimes silence does mean that the question wasn’t clear, but that’s easily corrected by asking, “Do I need to re-phrase that? Was the question unclear?” If your listeners respond negatively….then WAIT. Give them time to think and respond. Silence—followed by thoughtful and significant responses—is golden!