3.21.2019
I thought it might prove helpful to you all if I interviewed Craig—capturing his perspective—regarding the story I shared in the last three newsletters. Let’s see if I can entice him to open up a bit…
First Question: What’s your name, rank, and serial number?
Craig Williford; The Best Husband in the World; 10 out of 10
2. Do you recall my asking that we refrain from having sex for a couple weeks before we went to TN?
Clearly and vividly, like it was yesterday
Remember your misunderstanding my request?
Oh yes
How did that make you feel?
Rejected, unwanted, not desirable
3.You say you don’t remember our trip down. So you’ve completely forgotten our disagreement at the car rental?
I don’t remember the car rental argument, but I do vaguely remember pulling to the side of the road and debating about continuing.
View that as good or bad?
I would say it’s just different for me—what and how I remember things. You remember things vividly through emotions; I don’t remember things that way. I have a vague memory of being in a really bad place and both of us were hurting.
4.Tell me what you DO recall about the issue that motivated us to go to Fairhaven and seek a counselor’s help?
Both of us seemed to feel so alone, and there was a helpless feeling to do anything…to do something about the confusion and separation and hurt. It was one of the most separated and lonely feeling times in our marriage.
5.Do you remember reading the Penners’ book out loud?
Yes
That we got to the source of our problem fairly quickly?
Yes – I saw it as God enabled us to see the source of the hurt and confusion.
How do you remember feeling at that point?
Like a heavy burden had been lifted. I felt hopeful that we could move forward, that this would not be something that separated us much longer. I felt re-connected with you.
6.We met with the counselor a couple times. Do you recall any advice he gave us?
He affirmed what we were saying and doing. Being in that setting—away and with time to ourselves—was most helpful.
7.As a result of all that brought us to that point—our discovery and the counselor’s guidance—what decisions did you come to?
Both of us came motivated to work through this; the situation was not tenable. We wanted to find a way to re-connect.
How did that make you feel?
It felt like we were in a thick fog—like when you’re driving in deep fog and it’s dangerous. You’re fearful of obstacles lurking ahead, and you need to find a way out of that fog. We needed to find clear sky and sun again.
8.From our re-visiting that time in our marriage, what can you say about what we gleaned from that time?
I want to understand things from Carolyn’s perspective more. To hear what she was actually saying to me. Secondly, we both needed to make the decision to forgive. And we also both needed to make the decision to heal—you have to decide to do that too.
How does that make you feel?
Determined—when we have confusion like this again, I want to decide to work at whatever’s between us before it becomes too dense like that fog.
9.What advice do you have for other couples?
We need to keep making those decisions. It’s not like you make those only once—it’s a lifestyle of making those decisions. We’re committed to try and deal with those things before they become so large and unmanageable. Deal with the small so you don’t have the huge!
Re-new your commitment. It’s like riding a bike. You can’t ride and always coast. You’ve gotta work; you’ve gotta peddle. Can’t go anywhere unless you’re working!