The Cost

Dear couple friends of ours experienced something absolutely amazing this past year: tests proved she was a match for her husband, and so she donated a kidney. Miracle upon miracle—that she was a perfect match. That her healthy kidney survived and thrived in him, and even when he developed a life-threatening infection. That both are alive and well, testifying to God’s grace, love and mercy. In a small way, we moms know sacrificial life giving life, but our friends lived this principle to a much deeper level of understanding.

Five years ago, Craig and I lost our son Robb, and ever since then I’ve better understood God’s gift of his only Son. Losing one of ours was incredibly difficult; I simply cannot imagine if Robb had been our only son. If we couldn’t turn to Jay in our pain, hugging him close, hearing his voice, watching him interact with precious wife and children. I certainly didn’t give Robb up voluntarily either—didn’t send him into a sinful world of my own volition like God sent that newborn baby into a manger. Didn’t intend—from before all time—for him to give his life on a cruel cross. And especially wouldn’t have offered him up as sacrifice for a sinner such as me.

What cost, my God? The pain I feel is beyond measure, but my sacrifice pales in comparison. Lord, at this time of year…as I grieve my son…help me remember always the price you paid so that I may hold my son again. That I will one day see him smile and hear him laugh. That Robb lives even now—because of the sacrificial entrance of your only Son into this sin-filled world. I cannot begin to repay you. But I can acknowledge. And try to live my life in the victory of what you did…what you began…in a lowly manger

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