That’s how long Jesus hung on the cross: six hours. Six seemingly endless hours of absolute agony. The physical suffering was obvious: Every time Jesus needed to breathe, he had to push himself up against the driven nails in his feet and wrists to catch his breath, making every single breath pure agony for him. This was a torture by …
Can’t Have It Both Ways
Guess I’ve seen one too many of those “baby bump” pictures. You know what I’m referring to: The star who poses for the camera, proudly showing off her pregnancy shape. Before you misunderstand…yes, I’m happy for her. Yes, I’m happy that often, it’s a couple proudly grinning for the camera. And finally, yes, I’m happy that they chose to give …
My Redhead
A few weeks ago I was thinking about my upcoming birthday (love the cake; dislike another digit closer to the big 65), and since I haven’t really had a memorable “feel like I spent time with Robb” dream in 4 years, I started praying that God would grant another dream as a birthday present. Only a couple days went by …
The Cost
Dear couple friends of ours experienced something absolutely amazing this past year: tests proved she was a match for her husband, and so she donated a kidney. Miracle upon miracle—that she was a perfect match. That her healthy kidney survived and thrived in him, and even when he developed a life-threatening infection. That both are alive and well, testifying to …
All Is Well
I woke up feeling so weighed down this morning. I know why, and it’s inevitable, the heaviness that visits this time of year. Even if I’m not thinking of Robb consciously, it comes unbidden to my subconscious. The brain retains all those memories, and we know it definitely keeps the emotions of past experiences there too. So my heart is …
The Pleasure in Watching Your Child
I wrote once before about how I look for Robb everywhere—in crowds; whenever I see the back of a redhead; every single time I see TBDBITL, the OSU Marching Band (and then I cry too); when I see a daddy with two little boys in tow. I’m drawn to look for him like the pull of gravity on my body: …
Cold-hearted or Vulnerable?
What biblical character do you think spoke these words: “We have spoken freely to you, ___, and opened wide our hearts to you. We are not withholding affection from you, but you are withholding yours from us. As a fair exchange—I speak as to my children—open wide your hearts also.” “Make room for us in your hearts!” (emphasis mine) What …
Healing? or Hiding?
Community. Instantly, a barrage of feelings hits me. How can one word provoke such strong reaction? On the positive side, I note: filling, encouraging, blessing. But on the negative: depleting, discouraging, exhausting. Why the disparity, and when is one or the other in effect? When I’m healthy and doing well, community plays a rewarding role in my life. I seek community, absorb from it, …
What’s the Worth of a Son?
“He’s gone.” I’ll never forget the sound of Craig’s voice, how it literally stripped my strength, dropping me to the floor. Our firstborn…our Robb…gone? Sometimes it still feels surreal, but the unremittant pain of desperately missing him–hearing his voice, feeling that hug, sharing the mundane and the highlights of life–all of that forces me to accept the stark reality. Robb is gone. Walking and praying this morning, I was especially …
Fifteen Shades of Shame
In relation to this book and movie, I am… 1. Ashamed what our Founding Fathers would think of us on this President’s Day 2. Ashamed of what this says about our country’s morals 3. Ashamed of the record-setting attendance 4. Ashamed of an industry that puts out films like this 5. Ashamed of a people who only encourage the industry …